And so it has come to pass. When times are at there most difficult and I am learning oodles about myself on a daily basis, that in turn I learn alot about the people who have been involved in my life, their true selves, and their intentions. For the best and for the worst.
I have spent the evening up until now with a friend of mine, recently a parent themselves, and witnessed what a single parent goes through seemingly on a nightly basis. As I lay there falling asleep through a film I have seen countless times I began to reflect on the events of the last few days, and the actions of the people I call friends. The friend whose company I was in is an absolute gem, and even acknowledged my need for company despite my not even asking or offering the slightest hint that I needed any. As I drove round, the closer I got I knew I was going to be emotional. It wasn't a "Woe is me, feel sorry for me" out pour, it was more of a build up of so many things coming out, that I am slowly bottling up inside.
When a person makes a transition from irresponsible to responsible, alot of things seemingly happen. For starters, some of the friends you have made up until that point appear to kick out in rebellion, I guess they love the person that you are and don't want to see any changes. Others embrace your choices and stick with you through thick and thin. These are the things I am noticing right now, and what compels me to write so shortly after posting my last blog.
I am going to come across as quite catty here, but I do so without remorse as the person about to be mentioned has show their narrow-mindedness and naivety in volumes in the last few days. I had a friend who has recently discovered she is pregnant. The father? Well, as much as I can gather was someone who was involved directly with her for approximately a month. This in itself is misfortunate. Her problem, was that she wanted a child so badly, constantly telling me that it should have been HER who was carrying my child. I personally could not have dreamt of a worse scenario, as the person in question doesn't have any real purpose, and is a compulsive liar. Despite us once being a couple for a brief period in time, she had recently been very supportive and helpful. Alarm bells should have rang upon seeing her in town prior to all this and her consequently having a tantrum and storming off because I wasn't hugging and kissing her, despite her knowing my position and my feelings for Dani. However, in my own naivety of believing that all people have good intentions, I did get back in touch. A problem arose when I asked if they would kindly remove a picture of the two of us as her profile picture on Facebook. We aren't a couple, and the irreparable damage it could cause wasn't worth it. Now I understand her counter-argument that we were friends and she isn't embarrassed of her friends, yet I apparently seemingly was she told me. The only niggling factors were that we aren't the best of friends and I'm sure she has closer friends, and to boot, we were once a relationship very much in the past tense. I serve no purpose being there, except to create some false ideology in her head and to course a potential nuisance.
This is just the instance of one person, there have been a few others who have revolted against my taking on a more responsible role, and have since shown their true colours. Which is such a shame given my thoughts on these people and how highly I valued their friendship. In hindsight though I know that their none existence is for the long term best.
As I sit here now I wonder if Dani is going through a similar thing, the friends that were once an everyday part of her life, who now, as she is deals with the symptoms of pregnancy and may be physically unable to do or want to do all the things she did before, are they all as around as they once were? And is she doing the same as I am having to do, and just block these people out?
One person I will never block out is my sister Aimee, and as a foot note, I'd like to wish her a happy 28th Birthday, I love you so much!
<3
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